I miss my childhood !!

remembering my childhood is what i like to do .. when i was a child i had a really big imagination i loved reading stories and kids magazines .. at early morning once i woke up you find me out side playing in the back yard .. after that I'll watch cartoon all day and laugh


i miss the days where i wake up and find everyone else is still sleeping i'll just pass by them quietly and then go straight to the living room and watch my favorite cartoon (Barney) and sing along with them .

i miss those days when my brother and sisters go to school and am all alone , mom is busy with the cleaning and dad is off to work .. i used to go to my sisters bed room and play with there stuff , makeup and clothes ... and when my mom finds me she chases me around the house ..i was pretty fast but she was faster .


i miss those days when i sleep on the ground in the middle of the corridor and hear my dads car park in and i jump off and run to open the main door for him and when he steps in to the house he opens his hands to give me a big hug and a warm happy smile and call me with my favorite nickname .

i miss those days when i sit next to my brother in front of the TV and watch him play with his PlayStation 1 (tomb raider game) it was brand new back then .. one of the most popular games .. and as he plays you can obviously see the excitement , fear and nervousness in both of our eyes .. yes we looked so funny .. when ever the character (lara) mistakes in a move or falls off a cliff or what so ever we become even more nervous hoping that we win the level .


i miss those days where I and my brother used to play together out side the house and have fun .. hide and seek was my favorite even thou i always lose and he wins but it was fun searching for a good hiding place .. i miss that day when he first taught me how to drive a two wheeled bike , he was very supportive and patient .. he told me to focus and see where am going , not getting distracted and balance was the most important thing he said .. i used to fall alot in my first days but i never cried i always came back inside with scratches on my knees and hands .. after a daily practice i finally learned how to drive it and he was very proud .


i miss my childhood i miss my old friends and i miss my old days ... i miss being happy everyday and not thinking about the problems that are going on .. i miss it all .. and i wish if i could go back ....

27/9/2009

shocking phone call
Its been a while since he passed away with his shocking death , it was unexpected at all ..
after hearing my mom cry while talking to the phone i felt really scared i didn't know what was going on but i knew that it was a terrible news i knew that someone passed away some one very dear to her and us all .
after she hang up the phone i rushed to her and started crying i begged her to tell me what happened i prayed that its not a very close person there were million thoughts in my head terrible ones of what could have been going on !!
but she didn't tell me she looked at me with eyes full of tears she was so sad and that made me even more sad .. but then she gave me a hug and told me in a very quiet voice " your grandfather past away"
at that moment i lost my voice i couldn't speak it felt like something really heavy in my heart , i was devastated and sad that i started crying and i couldn't stop.


heading to the funeral
it was the part that i hate the most about when it comes to the death of a loved one after hearing that terrible news i went to take a shower , a very hot shower that i almost burned my self but i didn't feel the pain at all only red marks on my skin i think i was going crazy at that moment i got dressed and toke some extra clothes with me and rushed to the car with my sisters and mom , in the car all what i could think of is the face of my family members and there tears . i always hated funerals they just make me want to hit everyone around me , the sounds of there crying and the screaming and seeing your loved one rapped around a white clothe laying on the ground with everyone around him saying goodbye it was just too painful for me but as usual i always keep quiet even if am dieing from the inside .



the last goodbye
hiding from everybody else sitting upstairs with the kids , avoiding those terrible voices of cries and these tears that always break my heart whenever i see
one of my cousins came to me and told me that my grandfather is here and its time that we all say goodbye to him .
the word goodbye sounded very tough for me its something that i really hate to do but i must , i went back downstairs and saw them all sitting in a circle , my grandfather was in the middle he was rapped with a white clothe that smelled so nice , it was really crowded that i almost tripped till i reached where the close family members were i sat right opposite him and started crying but this time i cried harder louder then before he looked like he was sleeping his eyes were closed and he just seemed like his not dead at all but then we were told to kiss his head which was the hardest part of all .. i slowly went next to him and kissed his head it was tough but i did it .

they toke him away , so far away from us .. yes .. they sent him to his grave , we lose one today and we don't know who will we lose next , its what god wants i understand and we cant do anything about it
i just pray for him everyday that god forgives him and send him to heaven and i pray that one day i follow him and we all see each other in heaven inshallah .